Numb Nymphadora
by Allora Gale
Summary: Remus had left her, pregnant, miserable. Exactly how was she supposed to feel? Tonks One Shot. DH compliant.


Tonks. Nymphadora. Dora. Not for the first, she sat, sullen, staring out of the window at the thick fog that shrouded the back garden of her mother's home. It was all she could do to keep herself from crying, to hide the anguish she felt from her mother, who watched her from afar with a concerned and dismayed expression on her face. She knew what her mother would say, that she should have expected this, that she should have seen this coming, that Lupin would leave her. Remus. Especially after being so reluctant to marry her for all these years.

She pushed her mother's voice out of her head and returned her focus to the garden, to the thick swirls of impenetrable fog that seemed to swallow the trees and flowerbeds, seemed to dampen all sounds. It seemed like the weather reflected her mood, like she was trapped within her own depressing nightmare. Like the world was just as downcast as she was. She felt . . . resentful. They were out there, her friends, her family, fighting the Dark Lord and she was stuck, at home, abandoned, carrying the baby of a man who had left her. Who had probably never loved her.

There was a creak that penetrated through the fog, like the gate had been opened, and she was suddenly alert. Her hand strayed to her wand and plucked it from the table beside her. They weren't expecting anyone friendly. Her father had already been forced into hiding, he'd left weeks ago with little more than a rucksack full of muggle camping supplies. The Order had no reason for coming there, they'd given up contact as soon as she'd told them she was pregnant, that she was taking a leave of absence, at least until the baby was born.

And then she saw him, or what looked like him, walking slowly through the fog of the garden, shoulders hunched against the damp fog, head down. Moments later the doorbell rang. She stayed seated for a moment, wondering if it really was him, or was it a Death Eater in disguise? She heard her mother freeze in the living room behind her, her rummaging coming to an instant halt.

"I'll get it, Mom." She called as she rose from her seat.

For a moment she wondered, was she being reckless? Was she putting her unborn child in danger? And for a moment she didn't care. Did it matter? Did it really matter if it was a Death Eater here to finish her off. Not really, the thought fatalistically. No doubt Remus wouldn't care, it would be one more thing off his mind. She was so sure that it was a Death Eater that, by the time she opened the door and took in his crumpled and morose appearance, she'd already worked herself up into a severe loathing.

"The last words you said to me?" She asked coldly, her wand pointed directly at his heart.

His jaw dropped a little as he looked at her, he looked defeated. She almost sneered, almost smirked, bitterly triumphant. No doubt Death Eaters would have assumed their last words would have been loving, perhaps a heartfelt, tearful farewell. They wouldn't know the things he'd said, those horrifying last words that still haunted her, before he'd turned and walked away.

"You were a mistake. I never should have married you."

He'd said them again, but this time his voice was a hoarse whisper, they came out almost strangled. As she looked at him, how downtrodden he looked, his face a mask of desperation and horror at what he'd done, she found herself becoming angrier than she had been. Irrational, unjustifiable anger seeped through her. He'd left her. He had no business coming back here. He'd made his choices.

"What do you want?" She demanded harshly, keeping her wand pointed at his chest, unwaveringly.

Again his jaw dropped a little, like he was surprised that she would resist him. She grew a little more resentful. Had he thought she would throw herself into his arms as soon as she saw him, that she would forget all the malicious things he'd said to her, she wondered harshly. He seemed to break a little more, his shoulders sagged, his eyes dropped away from her face.

"Tonks . . ." He began, but he didn't seem to know what to say. Her Remus was at a loss for words. Instead he took a step towards her, as though to embrace her. She didn't move, didn't withdraw her wand, instead letting it dig into his chest. He stopped and looked down at it, as though noticing it for the first time. Then he glanced back at her face, staring intently at her with steel grey eyes and she could already feel her resolve wavering, feel her rage ebbing away. He looked so broken, so miserable. "I'm sorry, darling. I've been a fool. A monstrously huge fool."

There was a moment as they stared at each other and everything that had been left unsaid; his remorse; her fury, passed between them silently. The wand dropped, it clattered loudly on the floor as they both reached for each other at the same moment, enmity and doubt forgotten. Whatever came, they'd face it together.


End file.
